Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
