It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We have so much sex to catch up on
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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