she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
