I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
