my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
