I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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