Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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