I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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