bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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