I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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