he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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