WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
