Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
