did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
