Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
