I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
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Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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