awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
