sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
