he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
