Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think i have two assholes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
These tits shall not be calmed
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