the day after is always just damage control
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
