i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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