he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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