Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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