she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
