My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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