What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
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