my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
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how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.