everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.