I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?