Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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