Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
