My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
