there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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