I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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