i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
