HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
