I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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