i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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