ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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