mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up under a house in Key West
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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