the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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