she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
