You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
