He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize