the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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