i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
me + whiskey = a bad person
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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