i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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