New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
