Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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