Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
