Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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