I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
