Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
