Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
