I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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