Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
