But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
two words...techno handjob
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
