1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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