just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
