she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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