So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i came on her dog
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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