I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
