dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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