last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
