If i come over, it means nothing
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
