so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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