I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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