question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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