I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
