Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
pray to the hookup gods
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize