I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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