ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
