jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
