I must be too annoying 4 u.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
